Rebound Relationships

What is a Rebound Relationship?

The term "rebound relationship" comes from the expression "on the rebound". In other words, a situation where a love relationship has ended, and one or both parties have "rebounded" quickly into another relationship, often to prevent them from having to deal with the emotional fallout of the relationship that has ended. It may even be that the new relationship starts before the love relationship has ended.

What if I'm in a Rebound Relationship?

Be careful. There are many reasons why established, long term love relationships founder. All our lives we are told that serious relationships require us to work at them. Truth is, after a time we can start to crave the attention and affection that has long since gone as the relationship matures. We want to experience again the thrill of dating, that first kiss, incredible sex and all those things that have become, perhaps, a distant memory. These things also help us to overcome the sense of loss and regret when a long term relationship comes to an end.

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However, moving from a long term partner quickly to a new lover, whilst raising our self esteem, can cause more problems later on. The "Knight in Shining Armour" who comes to rescue you from a stale, or bad relationship, may ultimately give you a new set of problems. Rather than come out of your old relationship and deal with the issues it raised, rushing into a new rebound relationship is dangerous. This new person may make you feel great and do wonderful things initially, but who are they? Because they make you feel good again, will they continue to be there for you? Are you turning a blind eye to their shortcomings just "to have a good time"?

This can be unfair to both of you, as ultimately the initial feelings start to subside and you start wondering how you got involved with someone who turns out to be worse than the partner you left. You realize that the superficial things are not that important - if only you had spent more time talking to your former partner, working through your problems together, ultimately regaining that most intangible aspect to a relationship - that "connection". Rather than rushing into a new relationship, trying to "make up for lost time", you suddenly find that that time would have been better spent investing in your former partner.

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A rebound relationship often ends in hurt, with one party feeling used when the other feels it's time to move on, it's been fun, exciting and adventurous, but it's losing that initial flame (as all relationships do).

Internet dating sites are full of people (often men, but there are predatory women too), who are looking folk who have just come out of unhappy relationships. Often they will be upfront and simply say that they are not looking for long term commitment, but others don't, simply looking to take advantage of someone who is looking for affection. Yes, in rebound relationships, you can end up being used by the rebounder.

What Should I Do?

The end of a relationship is emotionally draining. However, experiencing the pain does have a healing effect, allowing one to move on without rushing into what could be a damaging rebound relationship. Modern society offers instant cures for almost everything, however, the end of a relationship needs to be worked through, and that takes time.

Alternatively, spend some time considering if you really want your old relationship back. Do you want to try and start again?

Stop and seriously ask yourself if you really want the relationship to end. In TW Jackson's "Magic of Making Up", one of the premiere resources for couples in difficulty, you are first taken through some "truth" questions to determine whether or not you want your former lover/partner/spouse back. You have to be honest with yourself, but this provides a sensible starting point for assessing which direction you want to go, be it with your former or current partner. (See our Magic Of Making Up review here)

After setting your own mind straight, you can then concentrate on what action to take. Jackson then gives numerous detailed strategies (rather than "do's and don'ts") to get you going in exactly the right direction and not go putting your foot in your mouth!

Bottom line is, you have to decide to take action - doing nothing will result in same old same old, and a life sold short.

The following free video is taken from the Magic of Making Up strategy, and shows you the first step to take to get your relationship back-

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