The term "rebound relationship" comes from the expression
"on the rebound". In other words, a situation where a love
relationship has ended, and one or both parties have
"rebounded" quickly into another relationship, often to prevent
them from having to deal with the emotional fallout of the
relationship that has ended. It may even be that the new
relationship starts before the love relationship has ended.
What if I'm in a Rebound Relationship?
Be careful. There are many reasons why
established, long term love relationships founder. All our
lives we are told that serious relationships require us to
work at them. Truth is, after a time we can start to crave
the attention and affection that has long since gone as
the relationship matures. We want to experience again the
thrill of dating, that first kiss, incredible sex and all
those things that have become, perhaps, a distant memory.
These things also help us to overcome the sense of loss
and regret when a long term relationship comes to an
end.
However, moving from a long term partner quickly to a new
lover, whilst raising our self esteem, can cause more problems
later on. The "Knight in Shining Armour" who comes to rescue
you from a stale, or bad relationship, may ultimately give you
a new set of problems. Rather than come out of your old
relationship and deal with the issues it raised, rushing into a
new rebound relationship is dangerous. This new person may make
you feel great and do wonderful things initially, but who are
they? Because they make you feel good again, will they continue
to be there for you? Are you turning a blind eye to their
shortcomings just "to have a good time"?
This can be unfair to both of you, as ultimately the initial
feelings start to subside and you start wondering how you got
involved with someone who turns out to be worse than the
partner you left. You realize that the superficial things are
not that important - if only you had spent more time talking to
your former partner, working through your problems together,
ultimately regaining that most intangible aspect to a
relationship - that "connection". Rather than rushing into a
new relationship, trying to "make up for lost time", you
suddenly find that that time would have been better spent
investing in your former partner.
A rebound relationship often ends in hurt, with one party
feeling used when the other feels it's time to move on, it's
been fun, exciting and adventurous, but it's losing that
initial flame (as all relationships do).
Internet dating sites are full of people (often men, but
there are predatory women too), who are looking folk who have
just come out of unhappy relationships. Often they will be
upfront and simply say that they are not looking for long term
commitment, but others don't, simply looking to take advantage
of someone who is looking for affection. Yes, in rebound
relationships, you can end up being used by the rebounder.
What Should I Do?
The end of a relationship is emotionally draining. However,
experiencing the pain does have a healing effect, allowing one
to move on without rushing into what could be a damaging
rebound relationship. Modern society offers instant cures for
almost everything, however, the end of a relationship needs to
be worked through, and that takes time.
Alternatively, spend some time considering if you really
want your old relationship back. Do you want to try and start
again?
Stop and seriously ask yourself if you
really want the relationship to end. In TW Jackson's
"Magic of Making Up", one of the premiere resources for
couples in difficulty, you are first taken through some
"truth" questions to determine whether or not you want
your former lover/partner/spouse back. You have to be
honest with yourself, but this provides a sensible
starting point for assessing which direction you want to
go, be it with your former or current partner. (See our
Magic Of Making Up
review here)
After setting your own mind straight, you can then
concentrate on what action to take. Jackson then gives numerous
detailed strategies (rather than "do's and don'ts") to get you
going in exactly the right direction and not go putting your
foot in your mouth!
Bottom line is, you have to decide to take action - doing
nothing will result in same old same old, and a life sold
short.
The following free video is taken from the
Magic of Making Up strategy, and shows you the first step to
take to get your relationship back-