Modern technology allows us to communicate more freely than ever
before. Online chat rooms, dating sites, even Facebook, allow us the opportunity to develop relationships in
cyberspace, where we are free to take on the persona of our choice, and indulge the darker side of our
personalities anonymously, and without the consequences of confiding in someone physically known to us, at
least in theory. In fact, in cyberspace, we can be whoever or whatever we want to be.
The problem is that as human beings, we
often crave what we can't have. So we go online and start a "virtual" relationship. No harm in that you may
think, but as things develop, the very fact that the relationship IS "virtual" - you've never had to wash their
underwear for example, and you can share your deepest, darkest
thoughts with this attractively mysterious person - means that you are on the road to nowhere, leading to
frustration as your bond develops, and distortion of the whole relationship as your feelings grow in absence of
the other person.
Emotional infidelity is not necessarily
an online proposition however. The workplace is often responsible for developing relationships. Business
lunches, shared projects etc mean that people working closely together often find themselves in an emotional
relationship, perhaps spending time with someone that they knew in the workplace but had never realised how well
they would get on together in general. They find that their "friend" is becoming more and more important to
them.
Unlike a sexual relationship, emotional
infidelity is not so clear cut - different couples have different boundaries within their
relationships.
So what is emotional
infidelity?
"Regardless of the rationalization
behind it, emotional infidelity is an expression of either the need or the desire to absent oneself from one's
primary relationship, without actually leaving that relationship. Therein lies the core of the issue, and it is
what defines emotional infidelity as if not exactly the same at least the social equivalent of sexual
infidelity." (By Michael J. Formica on September 7, 2008 - 4:41am in Enlightened Living).
"Having one's cake and eating it" may
be another definition, although this is perhaps going too far, as there is no actual physical contact between
the two parties involved. However, what is happening is that you are denying your partner in your primary
relationship of your emotional availability.
The problem is that the "cheating"
partner justifies the emotional relationship by convincing themself that they "aren't doing anything". However,
the reality is that the primary partner, on finding a trail of text messages and emails feels exactly the same
as they would if the "cheating" partner were having a fully fledged affair.
The solution to avoiding emotional
infidelity, and indeed many forms of relationship problems is communication. Keep things open, discuss the day
you've had at work, talk to your partner about your hopes and fears, even if you've been together for years,
make time for each other and communicate! If you are both sharing fully in each other's lives, you will find the
need to take comfort in someone else (who is often acting a fantasy too), disappears.
A leading authority on relationship issues is Lee Baucom Ph.D,
creator of"Save The Marriage", and numerous other
relationship resources. Dr. Baucom has himself experienced difficult times within his own marriage, but has
overcome them and devoted his working life to helping others achieve the same. He also offers courses and
seminars for couples in difficulty and has a success rate approaching 90% in saving relationships, compared to
the average of 20% and has appeared on programs such as Dateline NBC and featured in magazines such as Mens
Health.